Introduction - Journey to motherhood

I became a single mum to Iris Kua on 20th December 2003, the day she was born. I was 19 years old. Pregnancy was not fun at all and it involves alot of pain. Perhaps, that's why we as mothers share that very special bond with our child which no words can describe.

Do I regret having her? No. Though i get into trouble time to time because of her, I never regret having her. The only worry I have is - Am I capable of being a good mother and to give her the best of life?

I knew that I wasn't really prepared to be a mother. The reason why I had always wanted a child is because I wanted someone who I can call mine and I yearn for that family closeness which I never had in my grown-up years. I often had conflicts with my family members and I was very unhappy. How I wished to get out of my unhappy family!

The chance came when I got pregnant with Iris. I wanted to get married and have a life of my own and out of my unhappy family. Well, things didn't went as well as I thought. I didn't get married because I was too young and my parents wouldn't sign the approval. I was unmarried and pregnant, planning to get married myself once I turned 21. However, life is life, and shit happens unexpectedly. I finally realised I'm not living in a fairytale when Iris was born.

I will not go on with the details but I ended up having to bring up Iris on my own and the worst thing is, I'm still not on good terms with my family. I eventually left home leaving Iris with my family. Iris was only 3 months old at that time. Cruel? No. It was my mum who suggested that I move out because we are always quarrelling with each other and she promised that she would take good care of Iris. I left. No point arguing anymore. I left but I told myself I would bring my Iris back once I have the means to support her.

Now, Iris is 4 years old and will turn 5 this year. She is currently studying in K2. She is still staying with my family but I'm supporting her school fees and I visit her occassionally and will let her sleepover at my place for a few days so that I can spend quality time with her. Whenever I'm with her I feel so happy, though she does make me angry sometimes. And, just looking at her while she is sleeping makes me smile. I can feel the close bond between us when I'm with her.

My purpose of creating this blog is for Iris. She is growing so fast and in a few years time she will be surfing the internet. It's my way of showing her our memories together and hope that she can gain better understanding of me. I believe that understanding is very important for a family to stay together.